He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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