First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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