I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Come share oat with me in your robe
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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