She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
