Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my being single is dangerous.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
