btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
