my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
