i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
