The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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