Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
