Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
