im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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