my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
