You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
