I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
