I love black thongs
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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