wanna go halves on a baby?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
