Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
