They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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