There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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