Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
