your room smells of hookers.
And success
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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