I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
