he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
