I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it was like eating out sand paper
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
