Where did you get a picture of my penis
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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