Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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