Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need to sanitize my soul.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
