I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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