what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
