one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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