I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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