Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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