angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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