It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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