he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
