there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
