Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
These tits shall not be calmed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
