your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
