How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
