weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
