it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
