the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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