I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
