stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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