My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
