In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
