I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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