I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
