I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
